80’s Slasher Flicks & Future Dicks
OLB deciphered personal tastes thus drew a line in the muddy banks of the ‘pussy’ river.
Slasher flicks from the 80’s seem humorous now compared with modern psychological thrillers. Starting with Saw and Hostel the dividing line in between ‘jump out of seat’ horror and the next level. That next level took death a little to close with the lines of reality for my taste. At that point OLB deciphered personal tastes thus drew a line in the muddy banks of the ‘pussy’ river.
Suppose it was a scared retreat but one which would distinguish some of my future sexual interest, endeavors and stand offs. There are proclivities about death which induce responses within me which are hard to explain. My gut goes empty in that spot which fills with butterflies when nervous otherwise the hollow is full without notice. Emotion often felt when trying a new kink outside my usual boundaries. A feeling mastered over the years with a stronger understanding of power and the role it has in my life.
Watching the flicker of a candle so full of force and potential as life be diminished to a limp sack of defeat opens the valve in the ‘butterfly cove’ deep in the pit of my soul. When in my youth that empty space would come with a character I grew attached with dying. Whether Nancy from Nightmare on Elm Street who survived three episodes or Johnny Depp’s gory departure at the end of one.
Length of time of my relationship with fictional deceased was no matter the silencing of a hero left a void. Puberty came along like a mechanic adjusting hoses and welding open other paths in aggressive pubic hair frenzy. Within the hustle and bustle of turning from child to man the butterflies were completely released leaving only memories of that nervous energy.
Feeling Of Eternal Submission The Void Flows Steadily Down To My Cock
Now when that ‘butterfly cove’ empties at the feeling of eternal submission the void flows down steadily into my cock making it hard as rock. It was actually a relief inside when at the mighty ‘pussy’ river that line was drawn between horror which left the grey area between reality to thin. Death was never the turn on but in those days without the internet to do sexual research needed to prepare for puberty.
With current generations having it all figured out by the time kindergarten is over it is a wonder us Gen X folks survived at all. We survived through TV Guides, People Weekly and a intense dose of imagination which helped in carving a more refined sexual path.
Defense Mechanism Exerting Control In Daydreams Turned Into Sexual Fantasy
In this way OLB feels lucky for this path was truly my own unaided by preconceived notions. There was not a single notion where I grew up about being gay or kinky that did not involve getting your ass beat by a gang of homophobic dudes. Suppose this could be called a defense mechanism at the root of my sexual proliferation so early on. In my daydreams or right when falling asleep pre-dream when we still exert control I would do just that. Exert control, at first by putting myself in a role of being the only friend Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger or (my favorite) Michael Myers ever had.
No One Ever Died Per Se In My Fantasies; Erasing And Reprogramming
Like E.T. and Eliot, except the real life human aliens that were tall with big muscle and a machete. My ‘Slasher Flick’ homies bullies slaughtered or turned to lifeless stone blocks not by me but the main psycho killer characters taking turns. Sometimes these asshole tough guys would be forced to my feet on their knees begging for forgiveness. No one ever died , but before even knowing what a hood or muzzle was they had a role in my sexual fantasies. Erasing and reprogramming was much more a turn on.
Generalizations, Diversified Bullies And Homogenized Horror
My bullies which were diversified because hate sees no color when queer is involved. Often the unifying factor amongst the classes and races whether homeless, white, Latino, black, the mentally disabled, geriatric, professional, family, or other fags will join forces in proliferating hatred because it is easier. This generalization only holds ground in my experience growing up in Philadelphia in the 1980s but is and was true for me and many others. My perception now is the world has opened up a bit more to homos since the 1980s.
A fact that I find interesting is that the slasher flicks were homogenized in content producing a predictable scenario every time. True to the point that every scene could be guessed ahead of time which is comforting taking the fear aspect away left my first impressions of power play. This same world has edged toward a form of horror entertainment which would not allow for one to distinguish whether power was the essence of a turn on or actual pain and death. Either way the situation involving arousal was not spoken of and especially more so always involved another man being twice as taboo.
Before Internet Exploration Of Sex Was Deeper Personally Albeit perpetuated Isolation And Mental Health Issues
Before the internet allowed for open discussion about fetish many folks felt as if we were the only one who ever felt this way. It allowed for an exploration of sexual self (by yourself, private, alone, hidden) at the same time perpetuated isolation and mental health issues. These fantasies were not just about power, but also a sense of belonging and more so to the powerful and protective. Even if he was the bad guy, cold and this would in turn play a role in future relationships unconsciously allowing for great sex albeit toxic other aspects.
Off the top of my head there are several scenes in 80’s horror flicks which rattled me. Shaking my nerves loose which would get my dick hard and in searching for understanding the scenes would be recreated in fantasy. These fantasies became my first jerk off fodder when learning early on my kink was way beyond what the TV guide could provide. It was beyond what the fucking television could provide.
Let’s keep a few things in mind, like I never met my father. My mother had me at 16 years old so by the time OLB had reached 2nd grade she was only 21. My step-dad was in his early 30’s and sat me down to watches Faces Of Death Part One and Two on the day after my 6 birthday in 1986. Same year my little sister was born. While I sat terrified shitless at some of the worst things I have ever seen still to this day.
As the visions of real life death etched in my brain until death everyone I knew gathered for a surprise party. To everyone’s else’s surprise my little tired ass bugged the fuck out and ran hiding in trunk of car. A very small child so fit through center armrest in back seat which I thought was so cool as a kid. Like a little portal . Remember wrapping in my dad’s leather coat crying myself to sleep while my family called police for missing child report.
Was found when Roger came out to get his jacket from trunk. Right before going in to be terrorized in a well intentioned party. Faces of Death made all the other horror movies much less scary that is some whacked entertainment. If you are unfamiliar stay that way. Coming from a health care background for a decade I feel there is a strong level of disregard for the honor and dignity involved with dying.
To lose perspective of reality was something that never happened to me as a child. Which I think seeing things at face value is a layer of protection nature provides humans in our childhood. Maybe it was not always like that if there ever was an era where adults did not lie to the youth. Only my stepdad would put those real scary frozen in fear movies on when the children are best seen not heard and out of sight, out of mind. Good game plan.
Children Are Best Seen Not Heard And Out Of Mind (Or I’ll Give You Some thing To Cry About
As it turns out a previous partner of mine fantasized about being able to turn hot guys. Specifically his ex’s was what would come up at first which had some pretty sour endings. Mr Ex had a bubble butt thing so would talk like he fucking hated them, but wanted to keep them frozen, except warm. Just frozen in time like in this scary movie Wax Museum with the dude from Gremlins. We both confided in that movie turning us on enough to jerk off.
This topic came up more often throughout our years together. It was creepy the way he talked about it, but in a really sexy way. The eyes would get all big and when he got all excited his muscles would pull me in threateningly alluring strengths. My real thrill with Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers aside from the creepy music (love it) was the power being wielded, consumed and over-powered. Then there was Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I still swoon. Lol
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was nothing that turned me on about the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre as a child. Scared shitless frozen in between wanting to turn the television off and frozen. Frozen in place, stuck on pause and subdued in terror just like planned. You see the scary movies I chose to watch made me jump, scream out loud and make you avoid eating pizza while watching wax figure
Nightmare on Elm Street 2
First of all main character is named Jesse and time to let the leatherboy out of the bag. That is my name, shhhhhh Jesse gets possessed by Freddy Krueger in a weird hypnotic way. It gets better though the gym coach who messes with Jesse about some school crap giving him detention. Fast forward that night when gym teacher is spotted in leather gay bar. Logistics escape me since decades have passed since the 80s. Somehow gym teacher and Jesse end up in locker room where he is bound in a leather harness and murdered.
Nightmare on Elm St 1
Dude in jail cell wearing leather biker jacket hangs himself. Nice tight black leather scene
Clive Barker Nightbreed
Main character is very sexy and wears a nice leather jacket. Part that turned me on involved this chick who was half porcupine otherwise nude. She would turn guys on and kiss them with this white smoke which would knock them out. She could also throw poisoned quills of her back. My kinda lady.
Kristy Swanson plays a nice girl who makes friends with a computer geek who builds robots. After her abusive father throws her down the steps killing her the friend puts the robot inside her. She has a cold empty stare, talks like a drone and obeys all of the nerd’s commands. Nothing sexy ever comes about in the movie but my dick got hard anyway.
The movie itself was not scary. I knew that as a child so my focus early on was being in a love affair with the head vampire. Played by an extremely handsome ‘no name’ or at least not acclaimed for his acting skills. For me his bad acting was to no regard as my head reappeared the script to involve less talking and more leather. Of which the latter was not worn at all so you know the dude must have been sexy.
Second component to Fright Night which always kept my eyes peeled was not kinky per se. The neighbor from the raunchy comedy Married With Children who changed actresses once in middle of all the seasons. Al Bundy would always slam the door in her face or gesture her off in some rude way. She stars as the main female heroine getting a fierce makeover at the end which begged to be watched over and over. Name escapes me as many of the small details in these movies will. I am not going to research the small details to 80’s horror movies my connections are the important part.
Friday the 13th Part 2 or 4 or maybe 5
Jason Voorhees the main psycho killer in that franchise traps a girl inside a sleeping bag. Proceeding to than beat her squirming body against a tree until lifeless. There is never a body which I always appreciated in a horror movie. Clever new ways to show something that had been beaten to death already by previous installments to the franchise. This type of scene is paramount to real suspense in reality or movies. That moment where the muscles go limp and fall dangling is the carrot finally being obtained. The blood, gore and offer of crippling fear was just surface crap that insecure folks who need a reason to inch closer to one another.
Another more secure person sits alone gaining a sense of security in knowing real life is not so violent. At least not on the surface. Underneath though there is still this thread off natural instinct carved by evolution into our souls. A wire carrying the circuit of survival which causes instant reaction like jumping away from a spider or a snake. Or squirming closer and closer to someone’s body to find refuge from a fake source of fear. The overlying reflection that the animal within the skin that brought the squirming body to stretch closer and closer until feeling them from the inside.
That inner space may be the only place left to reach the human core which is that beyond right or wrong inside of all of us. That spot which make us uncomfortable is sometimes just a disconnect from our true natural self. Often this disconnect is a necessity for example to live next to each other on this earth there have been rules and boundaries established. Murdering each other has been established as bad since there are systems in place to deal with issues.
When establishing boundaries there is a feeling inside that clamps down giving permission to allow or deny which has never been an issue for me to determine.
There have been lines in which other people’s intentions or own voice of reason were not in tune with mine. A factor which has been easily detected early on avoiding most conflicts leaving only hurt feelings.
OLB is a Scorpio as you may have surmised after giving away some personal details earlier in article. This is another generalization which I personally find to be true because it is personally true for me. Go figure? Scorpios can read emotions and intentions in an unnerving way even for our own heads to comprehend. That is the only reason my mind took the leap of faith following Lil Master (my cock) down the road which felt a little uneasy.
Giving lap dances to Michael Myers after the tall characters knife dripped with blood from my bully who was carefully butchered so as not ripping the leather jacket my high school enemies wore is completely normal. More so after he puts on the leather jacket and pulls out the real killer from his pants.
The characters are fictional with a well defined predictable plot line which allowed for an early framework in sexual imagination. Without my elements the whole scenario was just a cheesy horror movie much like missionary sex with a woman over and over was. It was fun the first 50 times, but when are we breaking out the skin tight cat woman suit. It is easy to see that the confusion sets in early all the while parents are pussyfooting to talk to youth until puberty. After waiting that long because it is uncomfortable there is a divide making it weirder. On top of that there is a strong division amongst children and adults on what content is appropriate with little distinction why?
Now there is more distinction between type of content in ratings for example things are marked strong sexual innuendos, mature language, violent scenarios or something along those lines. In the 80’s and 90’s things were rated ‘R’ for restricted under 18 with not much regard given to whether it was sex, drugs, violence. With that lack of regard came a lack of allegiance to what being rated ‘R’ actually meant so folks disrespected the rules.
My first “R’ rated movie in a theater was Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors at the ripe age of 7. Walked to the movie theater a few blocks away for a late night showing after sneaking out on a school night. For many reasons I hope my Mom never finds this blog.
Buying my own ticket without being carded which is the rule if person is underage. In fact if a person sells a ticket to a movie rated above their age level a fine can be the consequence. There were about a dozen movies I saw that way until the second time the police were called for me. My Mom was a trooper and in a lot of ways she wasn’t it was just her youth. We are close because in a lot of ways we grew together. After that my bedroom was moved to the second floor so I became a punk rocker and soon thereafter the big screen psycho thugs were giving me lap dances.
The rest of the horror movies crossed my path via HBO or stepdad until earning my badge of being mature enough to rent by myself at 10 when mom and step-dad split. Movies like Hostel started appearing with real life references to sadomasochistic torture scenarios carried out in underground extreme fetish subcultures was a turn off. Both a detractor sexually and for entertainment with that time period having the horrors of beautiful Natalie Holloway being a real life American caught up in some sad foreign Asshole radar leaving behind a mystery which Hollywood used to next level up all of the new franchises.
For me the psychological thriller got old fast
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